Since training in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, I’ve increasingly found that sometimes the most interesting observations about how our brains work come from the most ordinary moments.

One such moment happened this week as I was taking our dog on one of his usual street walks that we do when its raining. He reminded me of something I often talk about in my work with clients.

There’s one particular house on our route that reliably prompts him to bark and raise his hackles.  The dog who lives there has been in the front garden and barked at him on a few occasions.  Now, every time we walk past that house, he reacts with barking and agitation before we even get to the house to see whether she is there or not.

The funny thing is that he does exactly the same thing even when she’s not there and the house and garden look empty. He’s even reacted when he’s walked past her on one of her own walks, and they’ve already barked at one another!

Walking by the house itself is now a trigger and as far as he’s concerned, it is a potential threat. His brain has made an association, and he’s sticking to it!

When our brains learn to look out for danger

There’s a useful parallel here with the way our own brains can respond to situations.

Our brains are designed to help keep us safe. Our limbic system, which can be thought of as our emotional nervous system, plays an important role in processing emotional information and detecting potential threats.

There is one small structure deep inside the brain called the amygdala, that you could think of as being a bit like part of our internal guard dog. When something has previously felt frightening, stressful or threatening, our brains can learn to associate it with danger. The next time we encounter something similar, our threat system may become activated before we’ve had time to consciously assess what’s happening.

This can be helpful. It allows us to react quickly when we genuinely need to protect ourselves against threats. However sometimes those learned patterns can continue even when the original situation has changed, or when the response is no longer particularly helpful.

This is why we might find ourselves worrying about something before it happens, feeling anxious in situations that remind us of a difficult experience, or automatically responding in ways we would rather change.

Our logical minds might recognise that we’re safe, but our emotional responses don’t always catch up quite so quickly.

Learning new patterns

The encouraging thing is that our brains aren’t fixed. We can learn, develop new associations and find different ways of responding to situations.

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can help with this. It combines Solution Focused Brief Therapy with therapeutic hypnosis and relaxation. In sessions, we explore what’s happening for you, how your brain may be responding, and what you would like to be different.

Rather than focusing exclusively on what has gone wrong, we look at your existing strengths and resources, the times when things feel more manageable, and the small steps that could help you move towards your preferred future Over time, this approach aims to help you develop more helpful ways of thinking and responding.

Of course, human brains are considerably more complicated than my dog’s response to a particular house! But his behaviour was a useful reminder that learned responses can persist, even when the original trigger isn’t present.

A little help for our internal guard dogs

I’m not entirely sure how effective Solution Focused Hypnotherapy would be for my dog, although he does tend to relax and often falls asleep when he hears me recording a trance which l take as a compliment!

For people, understanding a little more about how the brain works can be a helpful starting point. It can help us approach our responses with curiosity rather than criticism and begin exploring what might help us move forward.

If you’d like to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, I offer a free initial consultation. We can talk about what you’re experiencing, what you’d like to change, and explore the neuroscience behind it in a way that’s personalised to you.

You don’t need to have all the answers before getting in touch.

If this article resonated with you and you’d like to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, or you’d like to arrange a Free Introductory Call, I’d be delighted to hear from you.

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The number three has long been regarded as significant. Across many cultures it represents harmony and connection. Think of the mind, body and spirit, or the past, present and future. It also has a special part to play in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy.

There’s a particular tree that I pass sometimes when I’m walking the dog. It grows from a single trunk before dividing into three strong stems, and for some reason I always notice it. Every time I walk past it, I’m reminded of the importance of three.

Sometimes, when life gets difficult, our brains become very good at noticing everything that’s going wrong. It’s an automatic survival response, but it can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unable to see that there are any positives too.

One simple technique we discuss in sessions is ‘3 Good Things’, where I encourage you to briefly note down three things that have gone well, or that have been just a little bit better, each evening. It isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about gently training your brain to notice the things that are already helping you move forward, or that have gone well. These can be as big or as small as seem right for you each day.

It’s something I try to do every day too. I have an app that sends me a reminder each evening and, over time, I’ve noticed that I find it much easier to spot the good things both in the moment and later when I’m reflecting on my day. Overall, I’ve found it has a positive effect on my mood.

My clients who practise this often tell me it’s helpful for them too. Asking themselves, “What are three things that went well today?” seems to have a positive effect on both their mood and their progress. The examples they share are often quite small too: getting out for a walk, enjoying their lunch, replying to an email they’d been putting off, laughing at something, or sleeping a bit better.

The aim isn’t to find extraordinary moments but to notice the ordinary ones that our brains often overlook. Over time, this can help train our brains to become more solution focused, making it easier to notice what’s going well alongside life’s inevitable challenges.

Why Three?

Three feels manageable. It’s enough to encourage your brain to look a little harder without becoming another task on an already busy to-do list. Some days you’ll think of three things immediately and other days it’ll be a little harder but that’s often where the benefit lies. Once you find one good or better thing, others start to follow more easily. Our brains are amazing at making connections like that.

If you’d like to give it a try, don’t worry about writing beautifully or finding profound moments. Simply notice three things that were good, or even just a little bit better than yesterday. You may be surprised by how quickly your brain begins to spot them without you even trying.

If this article resonated with you and you’d like to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, or you’d like to arrange a Free Introductory Call, I’d be delighted to hear from you.

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We’ve all heard the advice.

  • Put your own oxygen mask on first.
  • You can’t pour from an empty cup.
  • You can’t give what you don’t have.

If you’re anything like me, those phrases can sometimes feel more annoying and frustrating than helpful. They can sound like clichés. They can even make us feel guilty because, deep down, we know there’s truth in them, yet putting them into practice can feel almost impossible.

Many of us juggle work, family, caring responsibilities and endless to-do lists. We try to wear all the hats, being a ‘good’ partner, parent, son, daughter, friend or colleague. We want to do our best and often set incredibly high standards for ourselves. Somewhere along the way, our own needs quietly slip to the bottom of the list.

There have certainly been times in my own life when I’ve felt there simply isn’t enough of me to go around. If I take a step back, I can usually recognise that I haven’t been looking after myself as well as I could and that my stress bucket is becoming rather full (the stress bucket is something we’ll talk about a lot in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy). Even working in the field I do, I’m no different from anyone else in that respect. Life gets busy. Unexpected things happen. We all drift away from the things that help us from time to time.

Over the years, I’ve learnt that caring for ourselves isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s often one of the kindest things we can do for the people around us. When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed, it’s much harder to be patient, present and emotionally available. Looking after ourselves doesn’t mean putting ourselves above everyone else. It simply means recognising that our own wellbeing matters too.

Of course, understanding that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do.

Sometimes people tell me they feel guilty taking time for themselves. Others worry they’ll let people down, or won’t be liked if they say no. Some have become so used to meeting everyone else’s needs that they’ve almost forgotten what helps them feel calm, happy and like themselves. Over time, this can affect how much we trust our own judgement, how confidently we make decisions and how able we feel to set healthy boundaries.

One of the ideas we often explore in therapy is this: if your best friend was feeling this way, what would you say to them?

For most of us, the answer is surprisingly kind.

We’d encourage them to take a break. We’d tell them they’re doing their best. We’d remind them that they matter too.

Yet somehow, offering ourselves that same kindness can feel much harder.

Self-compassion isn’t about lowering our standards. It’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we’d so readily offer to someone else we care about.

That’s one of the reasons I love Solution Focused Hypnotherapy so much.

Rather than focusing on everything that’s wrong, we begin by noticing what’s already working and exploring small, realistic steps towards where you’d like to be instead. Sometimes those steps really are tiny and that’s absolutely fine. Perhaps it starts with drinking your cup of tea while it’s still hot. Going for a short walk. Saying ‘not today’ instead of automatically saying yes. Or simply taking a few slow breaths when something unexpected happens.

The steps are different for everyone, but however small they seem, they have a remarkable way of building into bigger changes over time and helping to empty our stress bucket.

Alongside the talking part of our sessions, the trance (hypnosis) that follows helps your mind become more receptive to positive suggestions and helpful new ways of thinking. The carefully chosen language we use gently strengthens self-belief, self-compassion and confidence at a subconscious level, helping those small changes begin to feel more natural over time.

I often think we underestimate the power of giving ourselves permission.

  • Permission to rest.
  • Permission to ask for help.
  • Permission to say no occasionally.
  • Permission to trust our own choices.
  • Permission to accept that ‘good enough’ really is good enough.

None of us have endless reserves of energy, patience or resilience. We aren’t meant to.

We all need opportunities to pause, recharge and reconnect. What that looks like will be different for each of us, and it certainly doesn’t have to involve expensive spa days (although that would be nice!) or dramatic life changes. More often than not, it’s the small, everyday moments that help us feel more like ourselves again.

Perhaps that’s what the oxygen mask analogy is really trying to tell us.

Not that we should become more selfish, but that caring for ourselves enables us to care for others from a place of greater strength, patience and compassion.

If this article resonated with you and you’d like to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, or arrange a Free Introductory Call, I’d be delighted to hear from you.

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I often walk the same route through Lancing Ring with the dog. It’s familiar enough now that I know every bend in the paths I take, yet no two walks ever seem quite the same. Some days I notice the birds singing, the light through the trees and the colours around me. On other days I’m much more aware of the muddy path, any litter that’s been dropped, the noise of the traffic down the hill in the distance or the long list of jobs waiting for me when I get home (and sometimes the annoyance of knowing I’ll need to wash the dog!).

I walk these paths all year round, in all seasons and all weathers. Some days I love it but other days it feels decidedly more like a chore, and that has little, if anything, to do with the weather or season. It struck me recently that the routes I take don’t change very much at all but what does change is the way my brain is filtering things. This reminded me of something I find fascinating about the brain, which is a part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS for short.

Our brains are bombarded with an extraordinary amount of information every second, far more than we could ever consciously take in. The RAS acts like a filter, deciding what deserves our attention and what can safely stay in the background. It’s a bit like a search engine for our brains. Whatever question or expectation is most important to us at that moment, our brains start looking for evidence. There is a game my children used to enjoy playing where you try to spot yellow cars while you’re out driving and shout when you see one. Suddenly, you seem to notice yellow cars much more, even though they’ve always been there. Our brains have simply decided they’re relevant.

The same thing can happen with our thoughts and feelings. If we’re feeling anxious or under pressure, our brains may become much better at spotting potential problems, things we’ve forgotten to do or signs that life feels overwhelming. On other days, when we’re feeling calmer or more optimistic, we might find ourselves noticing the sunshine, the lovely view from the top of a hill, a friendly greeting from someone we pass, or something else that makes us smile.

That doesn’t mean one version of reality is true and the other isn’t. It simply means our brains are filtering an enormous amount of information and bringing different things to our attention. I think there’s something incredibly reassuring about that. It reminds us that our thoughts, feelings and outlook aren’t fixed. Awareness of this alone can bring hope. It can also help us respond to ourselves with a little more compassion. Instead of thinking, ‘this is just how I am and always will be,’ we can begin to wonder whether our brains are simply filtering the world differently today.

One of the things I enjoy most about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is that I get to learn about, think about and share what we know about our amazing brains. Time and again, I see how understanding even a little neuroscience can help people feel less overwhelmed, more in control and be much kinder to themselves. When we understand that our brains are doing exactly what they’ve evolved to do, we often stop blaming ourselves for it. It certainly helps me on those days when I’m walking exactly the same paths but experiencing completely different views. It’s a reminder that tomorrow can look a little different

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You may be wondering why I chose the name ‘Shoreline Hypnotherapy’.

Starting at the beginning, I moved from where I grew up in Surrey to the coast to study Psychology at the University of Sussex. I still clearly remember the excitement and wonder of my 19-year-old self seeing the Brighton shoreline and Palace Pier all lit up for the first time on my first venture into town with my new roommates. I can still picture the reflections of the lights in the water and remember the buzz of excitement and possibilities to come. I then often found myself on the beach in Brighton and Hove, albeit sometimes for the revelry that comes with being a young student! I also remember finding moments of calm to soothe exam stress and worries on daytime visits to the sea, and becoming more aware that I found watching the waves deeply soothing for my soul. As clichéd as it may sound, it was always special to me and I loved seeing the sea in all its different iterations – sparkling blue and still like a millpond on calm days, and tumultuous and raging during winds and storms.

In my late 20s my partner and I moved to Lancing, very close to Widewater Lagoon. I spent many happy evenings during the spring and summer months cycling along the coastal cycle path between there and Worthing with a huge smile on my face – not quite believing my luck that I lived there! Although I’d completed my Psychology degree and was working in an NHS Mental Health Team at the time, I didn’t consciously think about why I was feeling so good. Looking back now, I understand far better why I always came home feeling happier and calmer. The combination of movement, fresh air, sunshine and being by the sea was giving my brain exactly what it needed.

Over the following years, the therapeutic effects of living by the coast continued. Walking near the sea or just sitting on the pebbles helped me to gain perspective when life got tough. Just spending a few moments noticing the sound of the waves coming in and out over the shore has given me the headspace to think and breathe again many times. Even now, whenever life feels particularly busy or overwhelming, I still find myself drawn back to the shoreline.

The coast has also given me many happy memories, times there with family – taking the children for their first paddle, walking the dog and seeing his unencumbered joy as he digs in the damp sand and runs in and out of the waves to retrieve his toy. The sense of freedom and possibilities that looking out to the horizon provides never grows old.

When I was studying for my Diplomas in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and our course leaders asked us to start considering names for our practices, Shoreline popped into my mind and just felt right. Then, as I learnt more and practised Solution Focused Hypnotherapy with my wonderful volunteer clients during my training, I started to notice more how this word applies to so much of what we do. It can represent the relationship between our conscious and subconscious minds: the sea and the shore are separate but intrinsically intertwined, with one always influencing the other in a two-way, ever-changing relationship. The process of trance also reminds me of a shoreline. Just like the waves gradually meeting the shore, our conscious and subconscious minds become more connected, allowing positive change to happen more naturally. I also think the way the sea and the shore naturally meet and mix together reflects how the brief solution focused therapy talking part of my sessions and then the hypnosis itself blend together – they feel like a natural union.

Perhaps that’s why the name Shoreline has continued to feel so right. Over time, I realised the word shoreline had come to mean much more to me than simply a stretch of coastline. It’s a place where things ebb and flow, where nothing is ever quite the same, yet somehow it always feels familiar.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand more about how good mental wellbeing isn’t a destination we arrive at and stay forever – it’s something we all need to look after. None of us have it all figured out, and we all experience times when life feels busy, stressful or overwhelming. We all drift away from the things that help us sometimes. The important thing is noticing, and gently finding our way back.

For me, the shoreline has always been one of those places. It’s somewhere I’ve returned to throughout my life to pause, breathe, gain perspective and reconnect with myself.

If this article resonated with you and you’d like to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, or you’d like to arrange a Free Introductory Call, I’d be delighted to hear from you.

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